Sunday, July 20, 2014

Twenty-Something: When Not Enough turns to Bitterness

I want to share a bit that has been on my heart for awhile.  This past week was rough for me.  Nothing out of the ordinary happened but my attitude was poor.  My anger was out of control and I did not treat my mom, sister and even the dog with the care and gentleness they deserve.  I know exactly why the week was rough: I believed all the lies that Satan was feeding me.

I'm going to share some, most of them have the word enough in them.  Not good enough, my fitness transformation isn't big enough, I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, worthy enough of love, I don't pray enough, read enough, and the list goes on and on.  I let every single one of them take root in my heart.  You know what happens, God is pushed out.  I stopped reading my devotions and praying and wanting to spend time with Him because I was drowning in lies.  My heart hardened and I become Bitter, just like Naomi

After my week of blogging and the freeing feeling of writing, the devil strikes.  I wasn't prepared and my heart wasn't guarded.  In some aspects I feel ashamed because I should know better but then I can't beat myself up.  We live in a broken world where sin is rampant.  That is not an excuse but a reality.  I can be better prepared and pray more to keep the devil out.  Another way is to fill my heart with the Truth of God.

I also starting reading a book this week called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  It struck a cord with me because she is trying to find solace in giving thanks to God always and in all things.  It has challenged me to rethink many things in my life and my relationship with God.  There are many aspects that I need to tweek or add to nourish and grow the relationship.  I will write another post about it later but it got me starting to think.

When I don't feel enough I become bitter but how do I turn enough into plenty?  In Matthew, Jesus feed the crowds, not once but twice, with only a few fish and loaves of bread!  Ann points out a very key aspect of this miracle.  

"Taking the five loaves and two fish and looking up to heaven, He gave thanks and broke the loaves....They all ate and were satisfied." 
Matthew 14.19-20 (emphasis mine)

"Then He took the seven loaves and the fish, and when He had given thanks, he broke them....They all ate and were satisfied." 
 Matthew 15. 36-37 (emphasis mine)

Do you see the key in there? Jesus gave thanks!!! He didn't just simply say some magical words and the food multiplied.  He acknowledged the One who had supplied the original amount in the first place and thanked Him.  All the people who ate were satisfied and there were even leftovers.  How can we be running over in plenty? Give Thanks!!

Maybe that's what I need to do! Thank God for the little patience He has given me and it will multiply because I acknowledge the Giver.  Also because I ask for more of His patience and rely on His strength to get me through each day. 

Also another thought occurred to me.  Friday was my sister's Birthday, after a week of screaming and yelling I was determined not to ruin her birthday.  Why did she only deserve one day of the "nice" me??  Why can't I wake up every morning thinking that I won't be responsible for ruining anyone's day (believe me I have ruined probably a total of 10 years in days of my mom's and sister's lives over my lifetime).  Why do I still hang on to those relics of my past life before I found myself in Christ?

It's a journey for me and I know this post is a bit jumbly but I need to get it off my heart and work though this past week. 

So next time the voice in my head tells me that I'm not enough, I won't believe it and go straight to the Word and read that God has chosen me and loves me and died for me, which is enough for me!

This is going to be my focus this week:

Comment or message me your thoughts and how you deal with the devil whispering lies to you.

With Love,

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