Sunday, April 27, 2014

Twenty-Something and Single

I'm 24 and single.  I haven't seriously dated someone in over 4 years.  As I've entered my twenties, it has become more difficult as I see my friends marry and even start families.  When I go anywhere I see couples around my age; I begin to wonder and ask God, "Where is my husband?!"  This is a topic that has been heavy on my heart for a few years.  If you are single, you probably can relate.  As I stated in my birthday post, I used to measure the success of my life by the age I would get married.  But if I'm completely honest with myself, do I have room in my life at this very moment to pour into a relationship that would lead to marriage? I could with the help of God, but it would be hard.  I'm not saying that if He would bless me tomorrow with someone new in my life I would pass it up but right now I need to be content in my life and focus on the task He has given me.  I'm continuing to care for my mom and build her back up.  

With that said, it still doesn't erase the fact that I long to be with someone.  God created us to be relational beings and for man to be with woman (Genesis 2:21-25).  Therefore I believe that deep inside of us we all long to be with someone but there are two longings inside us: one for our mate and the other for God.  I used to try to fulfill both desires with only boyfriends, I was wrong.  Instead He is showing me that for me to be a good girlfriend or wife, I need to be filled with Him.  

I was about 20 when I become a Christian.  I realized that a boy's love was not going to fill that gaping hole in my heart.  I needed something more, something everlasting and not dependent on my behavior.  I needed Jesus.  I have been going to Church just about my whole life but I never started a relationship with God until that one day in my dorm room.  I couldn't take the emptiness any longer.  I prayed a simple but significant prayer: "God I can't do this anymore, I might as well try your way."  

Do you feel empty? Have you tried to fill it with toxic relationship, drugs, alcohol, shopping?  It still took me some time to clean up my life but I started to feel whole again.  I began to find my identity that had been eluding me for 20 years: I was a child of God.  He still whispers to me: "You are my child."  Just the other day He told me: "My precious child, I will always provide for you," when He blessed us more than I could ever imagine.  

Singleness and Marriage are indeed both blessings from God.  You might be questioning: "Singleness a blessing? It feels like a curse!" Fore me, I need to grow alone in God before I can grow with someone else in God-I mean a husband-because there are women and family in my life with whom I grow closer to Christ.  Every person is different.  God has a plan for each and everyone of us.  That plan is wonderful and will make us better people, more like Jesus, but for that transformation to take place, for me I needed to be single.  

God knew I would be at the bottom most pit of my life, and I would turn to Him.  Only when I did that can I have healthy relationships.  I used to worship those who I dated.  Other humans will always fail us.  Each of us are broken.  We give and take away love based on someone else's actions.  We love conditionally but there is One who loves unconditionally.  ONLY His love will satisfy forever.  

Therefore, I will wait for God's plan to transpire because just like He is growing me, the man that will be my husband someday is also being reformed in the fire of life.  So don't be discouraged if your friends are engaged, married, or parents.  Whether you are a teenager, in your twenties, thirties or older, God has the perfect person for you.  While you wait, be "concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit" (1 Corinthians 7:34b).  

So I pray that you will be reminded that God's love is abundant and unconditional.  Go to Him for that fulfillment and wait for your partner in life!  If you have already found him or her, then:

"Never forget: you didn't just marry a man or a woman; you married a son or daughter of God.
Treat him, treat her, accordingly."
Gary Thomas

I believe if we treat our (future) spouses in this way, we are reminded how blessed we are to be with them because there were days when we didn't have them! 


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